1. |
Time Back
02:11
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I feel like I’m leaving myself behind
And I’m so tired of crying
I wanna get back up again
It feels like I’m losing my best friend
But we’re gonna love again
On the other side
Don’t bleed me dry
We are capsized
And I feel you dying
But I’m safe inside
You’re bad
You suck
You fucked me up
I’m sad
Getting better
Still want to
Mmm please god forgive me
I’ve been speaking death
And when you come home
When you come home
I will begin again
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2. |
You Can Be Mean
02:25
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Go past the photograph and take a right
It’s in the hallway under the exit
Thank you for trying to be polite
But, babe, I think we’re already past that
You can be mean to me
I’m not gonna stop you
You can be a dick to me
It’s what I’m used to
I can’t believe I let you touch my body
I can’t believe I let you get inside
You know what you did
You know what you took from me
It makes me sick to think about that night
I’d like to think you got a good heart and your dad was just an asshole growing up
But I don’t see you trying that hard to be better than he is
When will it ever get any better?
When’s it gonna get any better?
When will it ever get any better?
When’s it gonna get any better?
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3. |
Losing
02:19
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Am I losing to the dark? Is it overtaking me?
I was overcoming last month, but June is killing me
And all my friends are leaving or trying on new faces
And in the dark, where my car’s been parked, I remember how to face it
There is nothing I can do when the winds of change blow through
There is nothing I can say to make you stay
Am I trying hard enough? Or am I trying too much?
I keep feeling like an idiot when I reach out to touch
And there is nobody there– to see me– no not really
I always get impatient
Ahh – the lightness is a bully
There is nothing I can do when the winds of change blow through
There is nothing I can say to make you stay
To make you stay
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4. |
Wasting Your Time
02:00
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I am in and out of my world
I’m devout
To a darkness you can’t see
But it’s always pulling me
I feel pretty dumb
Pretty dumb– when you call
I feel pretty dumb
Pretty dumb– overall
Wasting your time
Wasting your time
Wasting your time
Wasting your time
I am in and out of my world
Having doubts
And I can’t say a thing
Got your hands in my mouth
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5. |
Parking Lot
02:25
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In the parking lot I feel like I am losing touch
And the shopping carts keep rolling barely holding up
And everything inside keeps beeping talking telling me
To put the item back into the bag again
I’m back again
It’s like I never left
I never left
In the parking lot I feel like I am somewhere else
I text my boss and say that i’m not feeling well
And I’m not sure what is wrong with me but It’s probably just hard to be a person feeling anything
I ‘m back again – I’ve got to eat somehow
I feel the pull
I feel a bangin’ in my skull
I’m a growing girl, my ups and downs are natural
When the day is done, I feel like I could turn to dust
I cannot breathe, I cannot hold my own head up
And I’m not sure what would help or if there’s anything
Maybe I’ll just always be a little bit sad
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6. |
All of This Will End
02:59
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Inside my cage I watch the clouds getting angry turning dark and raining down
I let my fingers run I want to turn my brain off / want to turn my shame to dust
nobody hears me now I’m talking to myself I’m talking to god or something
I don’t want anything to do with magic
and back then I had it
Forgiving and sacred
You ask me what I think about this is there’s even a reason for it
I don’t have answers— no one does
I’ve been finding comfort in that
There’s only love
There’s only moving through and trying your best
Sometimes it’s not enough
Who gives a fuck
All of this will end
I’m out of body –I am idle in the kitchen biting on my fingernails
Keeping from calling— feeling scared of everyone I thought I knew
I’m only loving only moving through and trying my best
Sometimes it’s not enough but I’m still real —I forgive
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7. |
Smog
03:14
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I talk too much when I’m nervous
I give too much away
And you might think I’m trying to fuck, but I’m really just trying to bang
I don’t think I deserve it
I don’t think anything
I just sit down and shut up
And hope they don’t notice me
Mowing the lawn just looking out through the smog
I’m already gone, you can’t make this shit up
You can’t make this shit up
I come alive in the night time, when everybody else is done
I come alive, it’s the right time – to really start having fun
I don’t know how to turn around if I’m not ready
I don’t know how to tell you that your jokes aren’t funny
I eat too much when I’m nervous
I bury everything
I wanna face it head on
But it’s so easy to turn it away
I don’t think I’m gonna make it
I don’t think anything
I just sit down and shut up, and hope they don’t notice me
Mowing the lawn just looking out through the smog
I’m already gone, you can’t make this shit up
You can’t make this shit up
I come alive in the night time, when everybody else is done
I come alive, it’s the right time – to really start having fun
I don’t know how to turn around if I’m not ready
I don’t know how to tell you that your jokes aren’t funny
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8. |
The Water
03:23
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I walk up to your doorstep
I walk up to your doorstep
Look through the window, I don’t think anybody’s home
I’ll come again tomorrow, I don’t think anyone’s alone
I ride down to the water
I ride down to the water
I run my fingers through it, I don’t think anyone’s around
I get into the water I leave my clothes up on a rock
I really love
I really love
I really love
I really love — the water
I really love
I really love
I really love
I really love — the water
I float down to that parking lot
I float down to that parking lot
I sit right in the center
I think about what it was like
That summer when we were young and
You did it with that guy in his car
I really love
I really love
I really love……….
The water
The water
The water………
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9. |
Always
02:51
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Always— always I see her
Going inside– counting her steps
Always – always believe her
No matter what — no matter when
Always trying her best
Father – I thought you’d be here
I thought you'd try
I thought you'd stay
Father – what will you be here
If you can’t work
If you can’t play
Always having a day
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10. |
Not My Body
04:11
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I’m not my body although you see me
Making moves and walking freely
You really taught me something I would not hear from anyone else
Maybe that’s just my ride
To lean into the fight
Honey, you don’t have time
To change your clothes again
The world will love you no matter what you're wearing
The world ain't gonna care
The world ain't gonna care
I just wanna take my time and see what it feels like outside
I just wanna be like you, so sure of what to do– so high
I want to be a redwood tree
Feel desert sand below my feet
I want to be so good to you
But I never know how to move
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11. |
Younger & Dumber
04:39
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When I was younger
Younger and dumber
Built like a flower
You came to pick me, from out of the city
You turned me sour
When I was younger
Younger and prouder
I was nobody
You came to hurt me in all the right places
Made me somebody
Which way will I run when I want something new?
I don’t feel at home in this house anymore
Which way will I run when I’m over you?
I don’t feel at home in this town
Sometimes I just don’t wanna be alone
And it’s not cause I’m lonely
It’s just cause I get so tired of filling the space all around me
And the love I feel is so powerful it can take you anywhere
And the love I feel is so very real that it’ll drag you down
Which way will I run when I want something new?
I don’t feel at home in this house anymore
Which way will I run when I’m over you?
I don’t feel at home in this town
When I was younger
Younger and dumber
I didn’t know better
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Indigo De Souza North Carolina
Indigo De Souza is a multifaceted artist based in Asheville, North Carolina.
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